My work has core goals:
To help you answer the question: if therapy was worth your time, money, and energy, how would your life and/or relationship be different than it is now?
To help you align your communication style with your communication goals (which are often at cross-purposes).
To help guide you from complaints toward negotiating your wants and needs.
To provide a safe and nurturing environment in which you can learn what it looks and feels like to consistently “have your own back,” which, perhaps surprisingly, is what supports you most in being relational.
To help you identify the difference between what is real and what is an interpretation, so that you have space to better understand what is really going on with your partner.
To be able to communicate hurt and anger without making the other person wrong. This is a high-level skill because when we are hurt, it can feel like the other person is intentionally doing something to make us feel this way. With most disagreements, this is not the case; rather, the other person is engaging in some form of misguided self-protection (e.g., avoidance, retaliation).
To provide tools for understanding the difference between relationship work and individual work. It’s normal to focus on what our partner needs to change and/or assume that all hurts are due to our current relationship issues. Being able to identify and take responsibility for our own work is another high-level skill in resolving disagreements.
To ultimately be obsolete, whereby you are eventually able to simultaneously take care of yourself and be relational and thereby navigate disagreements effectively - without my help.